Maji is full of people right now. Doctors, schoolteachers, hospital administrators, students and researchers. The conversation is non-stop and the place is teeming with an infectious energy.
But I must be immune to this energetic disease because I am just not feeling it. I consider myself to be someone who is willing to dive into any conversation over the dinner table, I jump at the opportunity to help people out and show people around. But not today.
I am quiet, tired and just want to be alone. I am tired in all ways possible. I am tired of talking, I am tired of sorting medical equipment, and I am tired of walking through the Goma streets. I want to escape. This is the first time that I have felt this way. I was even toying with the idea of trying to go home earlier. YA I KNOW CRAZY. I don’t want to go home, but right at this very moment it seems like it would be the easiest move.
I’ve never considered myself to be the type of person to take the easy way out. I need to stop everything and take a good hard look at why I am here. I am here to learn and have experiences. No one ever told me that I would always have a good time. So here goes nothing, time to go and sort some clubbed foot equipment. Another day, another piece of equipment to sort. Maybe i will catch the energy bug after all.
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Bah! After sending you a message I read this post...Samo, You are not alone, I have totally felt this way many a time and so have many others I am sure. It can suck and be scary to feel this way but behind crappy foreign feelings are often the greatest lessons and growth-painful as it may seem. I think the only piece of advise I've gained from these sorts of experiences is to listen, listen to the resistance your feeling and figure out what you have to learn from it...and at the very least a good hard listen is often the key to shifting out of a poopy mind frame. Listen to what's around you and you may start to hear the beauty of the place and the people-I'm always amazed at how much good there is in the world when I'm totally tuned into what's going on around me. Keep your head up buddy, catch that infection! Hope yesterday was a better day!
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